Phil upped the dosage on his medication! In this new world, everybody has a chance!It's like old Phil and I don't know how to feel about that.
I would recommend a second opinion for him on the dosage but where's the fun for me?
Let's get started.
3. White Sox (4): Don Cooper is officially the White Sox’s secret weapon. How do you trade one of your top starters (Jon Garland) for a shortstop and shave 1.36 off the staff ERA? The work by John Danks and Gavin Floyd has kept Sox fans from missing Garland, which says a lot. This marks the first time all season that the White Sox have been ahead of the Cubs in our rankings. If they can stay ahead of the Cubs, they should extend their lead over Minnesota and Detroit.
JHC! Let it go. I don't think there is one Sox in the city that has thought about Garland in the last two months. Quit beating this frakkin' drum! Even as a qualifier for Danks and Floyd. The Sox are eminently better off without him now. And that was news two months ago.
And nobody gives a shit about where the Cubs and Sox sit in the Trib's power rankings...except for the dipshit commenters on the webpage.
5. Angels (5): Let’s see. You’ve got Vladimir Guerrero, Garret Anderson, Gary Matthews Jr. and Casey Kotchman on the roster, and you add Torii Hunter. So, of course, your home run leader is Mike Napoli. The Angels always win, but they almost never do it the way you think they would.
This would be relevant if it were true. Guerrero has led the Angels in homers since June 20, over two weeks ago. Wouldn't it be neat if things were relevant even if they weren't true. It would be sooo neat. And convenient.
That 3.29 team ERA in June may have had something to do with winning recently. IDK, I think good pitching is a way to win the way I think they would (does that make sense?).
And Casey Kotchman? Did I miss the time when he was a prodigious home run threat?
8. Athletics (6): Hawk Harrelson was right to point out how dangerous this team could be if Frank Thomas and Eric Chavez come back to have big second halves. They’re not nearly as deep as the Angels, but could challenge them.
Eric Chavez? The last time he was a real offensive threat was 2005! That like saying the Cardinals could be dangerous when Mark Mulder comes back. Or the Braves could make a run when Mike Hampton comes back.
How about talking about plausible shit. And has Phil mentioned Duchscherer yet? I quit keeping track.
9. Brewers (14): It’s time to take Milwaukee seriously again. The Brewers are 23-11 since May 30 and have a chance to have C.C. Sabathia and Ben Sheets start 32 of their remaining 74 games. That is, if Sheets holds together. How much longer does Ned Yost think he can push Sheets like he was the second coming of Joe “Iron Man’’ McGinnity? Sheets, who has been sidelined by injuries in each of the last four seasons, leads the majors with three 120-pitch starts. Sabathia threw 123 in his last start for Cleveland. They are going to be pushed hard.
This is Phil's newest boner stat. 120-pitch starts. It took the place of one-run game records, which replaced catchers' caught stealing percentage.
Sheets is averaging 105 pitches/start. Sabathia's averaging 107.5 pitches/start. Those aren't ridiculous numbers in the least.
10. Phillies (9): Philadelphia was 4-11 in interleague play, losing series to Toronto, Boston, the Angels, Oakland and Texas. Yet the Phillies quickly extended their lead in the NL East when they were allowed to play the Braves and Mets.
I thought the Braves were good? More on that later.
11. Cardinals (10): Tony La Russa’s message to ownership is that St. Louis must improve if it is to hang with the Cubs. That’s putting a lot of pressure on rookie GM John Mozeliak, but he’s backed by ownership that will want him to look good after running off Walt Jocketty, one of the game’s best executives.
Because making their GM look good is the most important thing on the Cardinals' plate.
13. Mets (12): Who would have guessed that Johan Santana would miss the All-Star Game in his first season in the National League? The team that went 34-35 under Willie Randolph is 10-9 since Jerry Manuel took over. This wasn’t the bounce owner Fred Wilpon wanted.
I did! I did! I did! Pick Me!!!!!
Of course, the All-Star game selection wasn't part of the equation because All-Star game selections are the definition of stupid stupidness (see Varitek over Pierzynski).
Now I've never met Santana. Don't personally watch his workouts and have only seen him pitch in person once. But multiple scouts talked about a strange drop in velocity and a diminished sharpness in his curveball last year. I read this kind of stuff on these internets that you're currently using. It took no talent on my part. Just the ability to click a mouse. He's not struggling in the real sense but many predicted an adjustment period as he attempts to become a more crafty pitcher without the blazing fastball.
Went 2-4 for the week and jumped four spots. Currently, they're dead last in the AL East, 13 games back.
They're 33 back in real games back, a new fangled stat that adds the team's current games back and includes all the teams between them and the first place team, which is really a better gauge, isn't it, given they have to hurdle those teams as well.
Their pitching has been meh over the last month, something they can't have with that shit-ass lineup.
15. Rangers (21): Historically, these guys haven’t won too many series at Yankee Stadium. They did it last week, with C.J. Wilson outpitching Mariano Rivera.
.500 team. Good for them. Craptastic pitching again this year. Just like last year and the year before and the year before and the year before...
17. Orioles (16): Andy MacPhail could face a tough buy/sell decision at the All-Star break. Baltimore has overachieved to get into the fringe of wild-card contention, but he might get a good return if he deals Brian Roberts and Aubrey Huff.
Would somebody take a closer look at this team (I know Phil won't). They're not that bad.
Oh, they're not going to win anything this year but there's a decent amount of power here, they field the ball, don't give up a crapload of hits and have the 6th best bullpen in baseball. If Teixeira signs with them next year, as he's indicated he wants to sign with either Baltimore or Washington, and they go get a decent starter, this team could be quite good next year.
Sell? Why?
21. Reds (27): A friendly stretch of schedule helped Cincinnati climb toward .500. Bronson Arroyo has won his last two starts after a terrible first half.
Hey, the Reds swept Washington! Dusty's makin' a mooooovvvvveeee!!!
Before the sweep this weekend, they lost 11 of their last 17 games.
22. Dodgers (20): GM Ned Colletti is hoping he can get a lift from Andruw Jones. If Jones doesn’t start hitting for power—and why would he now?—then Colletti will be pressured into doing something he doesn’t want to, like dealing Clayton Kershaw for the best bat available.
This might be dumber than the patent falsehood about the Angels. No. Fucking. Way. The Dodgers trade Kershaw. And for who? What 'best bat available' will be available at short, the only position for which the Dodgers are desperate? Khalil Greene?
23. Diamondbacks (19): How did these guys get off to that 19-7 start?
Lest we forget, Phil declared the AL West race over after said 19-7 start.
How? By saying It's Over.
It's overIt's one of my favorites.
The remaining five months of baseball will be played, but Arizona's 20-8 April took any suspense out of what figured to be a very good race in the National League West.
The Diamondbacks led the second-place Dodgers by 51/2 games at the end of the month, becoming only the 10th team to lead a division by at least five games at the end of April. All nine of their predecessors rode the fast start to a division title, with seven of them winning by 91/2 or more games and five of them advancing to the World Series.
26. Pirates (25): In his last big move, former GM Dave Littlefield traded for Matt Morris. Who is first-year GM Neal Huntington going to add at midseason this year, Barry Zito? Carlos Silva? Paul Byrd?
Phil's got jokes.
What?
28. Camouflage uniforms (NR): Good idea in San Diego, given that area’s military population, but they should be banned outside Petco Park. Still, Jeff Cox’s combat helmet was a stroke of comic genius when the White Sox tried it.
Phil's against the troops! Traitor!
I thought the Sox unis looked kinda cool.
29. Mariners (29): Ichiro Suzuki blew it. He had a chance to go to a contender but signed a contract extension last season.
That asshole! Staying where he's treated like a God and where he loves the area. Fuckwad!
30. Marlins (15): Yes, Florida probably does deserve to be ranked above the likes of Seattle and San Francisco. But the Marlins scored 17 runs in Colorado and still lost 18-17. That dubious achievement deserves special mention.
Probably?
I know this is Phil trying to be cute. But it's not. It's stupid. The opposite of cute.
31. Padres (29): The ex-Cub factor still lives. Just look at Michael Barrett. Who was the last guy to have to go on the disabled list after fouling a ball off his nose? Pete LaCock?
Okay. Phil's a Cub fan and he doesn't even know what the ex-Cub factor is. Hint: It has nothing to do with going on the disabled list with a freak injury.
Good ta have ya back, boy.
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