Christo and Mrs. Ney took a weekend trip back to where it all began Saturday and Sunday.It's still the same. I could still feel three or four panic attacks going off within a square mile radius and everyone still passes the time by shopping, drinking and morosely bitching about their situation in life.
In other words, par for the course.
So no restaurant/grocery store tales today.
Moronic Monday will get all old-school today and do a feature not seen for about a month.
It's Phil Rogers' Power Rankings For Morons! Seems apt. Let's get started.
And this is why it was time to explore Phil's PRFM again...Barry Bonds.
First, let's clear this up. Cashman was asked about Bonds as an option and he said:
So when Cashman was asked on Friday if he had talked with Jeff Borris, the agent for Barry Bonds, he quickly amended his instinctive response.All this came from a reporter asking Cashman whether Bonds will be discussed in Tampa and Cashman played the 'all options open' card to display his gritty determination to improve the team. He was a dope to not see this coming but after signing Sexson and trading for Nady, where does Bonds hit?
“I wouldn’t say,” Cashman said, before waiting a moment and answering definitively. “I have not. I don’t want to take this down the wrong path.”
Second, let's review recent quotes by Phil on Bonds. Numero Uno:
If Williams wants to do something dramatic — and isn't that always his style? — he can try to cut a deal with Barry Bonds. That would certainly give Guillen something to chew on. The surly Bonds could replace the respected Thome in the biggest clubhouse shake-up imaginable.
and my personal favorite that's stood the test of time:
If Friedman wanted to really roll the dice, he would sign Bonds and then trade his most marketable chip, Carl Crawford, for pitching and prospects. The Rays think they have a chance to be taken seriously this year, with or without Bonds, but it would be fun to see him battle the Yankees in New York and the Red Sox in Boston.
4. Cubs (3): You can argue that this is no longer a top-five team, given the 11-11 record in July, but the Cubs’ plus-110 run differential is still the best in the majors. It suggests that they will be able to hold their own in the upcoming four-game series in Milwaukee. It may seem that the Brewers have captured the NL Central mojo, but we don’t remember anyone offering $1.3 billion when Bud Selig’s team was for sale.
And they had a +90 run differential at the end of May. You do the math.
I had to get the mildly annoying thing out of the way before we get to that last sentence.
And for it, I can only say...WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN AND WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!
6. Red Sox (2): David Ortiz’s long-awaited return resulted in a 1-0 loss to the Yankees, and now they’re seriously considering trading Manny Ramirez? It’s Panic Time in Beantown!
I hate it when people refer to Boston as Beantown. Not worse than Hotlanta, but still bad.
Did putting Ortiz into the lineup Friday result in negative five runs scored? Ortiz. That bum. He lost that game.
7. Rays (4): The All-Star break couldn’t have come at a better time for the first-time contenders. After dropping seven in a row going into the break, they’ve won their first three series in the second half, showing signs that they might be able to hang with Boston and the Yankees a little longer.
They took two of three from a brutally mediocre Toronto team and a refreshingly lightweight Oakland team at home and split a four game series at Kansas City. 6-4 since the break.
Aside from being wrong about winning three series, that isn't exactly competition that would tell you where they stand in playoff goodness.
9. Mets (12): There’s no way Philadelphia can hang with New York if Johan Santana turns in one of his typical August-September performances. He’s as strong a finisher as there is in the business.
More evidence that Phil concerns himself with about eight things relating to baseball at the beginning of the season and sticks with it throughout the year.
The Mets are 17-6 in July and have a run differential of +56 this month! They're hitting .309 for July, 45 points higher than any month this year. Carlos Delgado, a guy everyone thought was creeping into Richie Sexson futility, is now on pace to hit 34 home runs this year and is hitting .379 for July. Reyes is back to being the superlative leadoff hitter he should be and Wright's found his stroke after a fair to middling start. And oh yeah, Matt Pelfrey record, ERA and every peripheral is the same as Santana's outside of those pretty strikeouts in the last two months.
This team was dead 45 days ago. Santana's a part of the comeback but not even one of the top two or three stories. BTW, that took me about eight minutes to find. And I don't write for a sports column for a living.
11. Phillies (11): Something’s up with Jimmy Rollins this year, and a lot of smart people haven’t been able to figure it out. He hasn’t been quite himself and it has carried over to his team. Could it be a little jealousy after all that Chase Utley MVP talk in April and May?
Read that a couple of times and tell me it's not more dumb than the dumbest of dumb things.
Rollins isn't playing well because of the residual jealousy of Chase Utley MVP talk.
And because he's playing bad, the rest of the team has decided to also play bad.
I mean, what do you do with that as a reader?
12. Twins (7): It’s time to play the Francisco Liriano card. The longer they keep Liriano in the minors, the better things are for the White Sox and the wild-card contenders from the East.
Liriano had a nice little five-start streak this month. In fact, it was pretty great, giving up one paltry earned run in 35 innings.
He got shelled again last night, giving up 8 hits and 4 runs in 6 innings.
I will say this once. Tommy John surgery a year and a half ago and 35 innings against Triple-A teams does not translate to the majors. Let's cool our jets here a bit, people.
18. Diamondbacks (19): Mark Reynolds has become one of the best players no one knows. He’s outplaying all the young Diamondbacks who carry bigger reputations and wallets. Arizona’s win on Saturday gave the NL West a team over-.500 for the first time in almost a month.
Phil's still under the assumption that everybody pays the same amount of attention to teams outside of Chicago as he does.
Reynolds has been a decent little player for about a year now. And that's as far as one can go when using descriptors for him.
He's on pace to hit 34 home runs and drive in 105. That's pretty good.
He's also on pace to strike out 205 times and hit .246/.330. He's mini-Rob Deer.
23. Orioles (21): Will they really trade closer George Sherrill? They would have some explaining to do with their fans.
Why? Sherill is at absolute peak value right now. He won't get better than this. Trading him makes smart baseball sense. Any Oriole fan who thinks otherwise is a stupid baseball fan.
29. Giants (29): Lincecum, like Volquez, is showing signs of a second half not befitting his impressive first half.
Um...What?! He had one bad start against the Brewers since the break!
Against Arizona on Saturday, he went 7 innings, giving up 2 earned, walking none and striking out 13 fucking batters!
Cripes!
I forgot how frustrating doing this shit is!
He just makes me so mad!
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