Phil Watch: Rat Farts!!!

I started and stopped a Phil Watch offering for Phil's Whispers this weekend.

In the span of one paragraph, he got 42 things wrong.  Well, more like five but still a spectacular word-to-wrongness ratio.

It seemed pointless and repetitive...but then he repeated the stupidity today.

So let's do a double Phil.

Here's Phil's Whispers from Saturday for the Sunday paper:

Imagine the howling if Ervin Santana had blown out his elbow pitching in the World Baseball Classic or if Fernando Perez, Tampa Bay's fourth outfielder, had dislocated his wrist in a WBC game.  But the biggest injuries last week were suffered in spring training games, not the WBC. …

Wrong fact #1:  Santana didn't blow out his elbow.  He has a small tear in his MCL and a decision on TJS was made ASAP and PDQ.  He'll start a throwing program next week, open the season on the DL and pitch through it.  

Wrong fact #2:  Fernando Perez is more like the Rays' 9th outfielder, behind the Gabes Gross and Kapler and Pat Burrell when he's not DHing.

Wrong fact #3:  Biggest injuries?  I see one.  Santana.  And if it happened in the WBC, I'd be pissed.  Click on this linky-type thing where Nate Silver at Baseball Prospectus examined April ERAs after the last WBC.  And then keep it in mind if Jake Peavy, a guy that got entirely spanked around against Puerto Rico, struggles out of the gate and loses trade value.  

You know, look at those actual stats that translate to facts and give perspective.  Those crazy, new-fangled facts guys.  They're ruining baseball for the rest of us.       

With Santana expected to be sidelined all season and Kelvim Escobar iffy after his 2008 shoulder surgery, the Angels probably will need two starters from a group including journeymen Dustin Moseley and Shane Loux (both out of options) and prospects Nick Adenhart and Anthony Ortega. 

Wrong fact #4:  Kelvim Escobar has a conservative projected return date of early June right now.  Not iffy.

Wrong fact #5:  It's Moseley and Adenhart.  Has been for like, ever, brah.  Or a trade.  

See.  A wonderous ratio.

And then, as if Phil has a low opinion of himself and thinks nobody actually reads his work, freakin' repeats it...two days later in the Hardball blog! 

The Angels found out Ervin Santana will need Tommy John surgery, sidelining him for the season less than a month after he agreed to a four-year, $30-million contract. This injury could be more significant than it seems now as the organization's depth has been hurt by a winter in which Francisco Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira and Jon Garland were lost to free agency with only Brian Fuentes arriving as a proven newcomer. 

Ladies and gentlemen...I'd like to announce...the RETURN OF PHIL-MATH!!!! 

(thunderous applause)

And on the first day of shirtless driving season?  What is this?  Christmas?

They lost three "proven" veterans and only added one...

Let's play Phil's game and pretend this makes any sense in this world.  Kinda like if we were talking with a 4 year-old about what a zebra and giraffe baby would look like.  Let's play.

THEY ADDED BOBBY FUCKING ABREU!!!!

Like a month ago!  What?  He's not a "proven veteran."

And Phil's raging hard-on for Garland's pitching badness continues!

Now, onto Santana.  He had two days to evaluate his Tommy John surgery wrongness and then repeats it, like it's a foregone conclusion.  It's not and, as of right now, he won't.  It's a slight tear that doesn't necessitate the surgery.  Tons of pitchers have pitched effectively with the same severity of said tear.  Cripes! 

With Carlos Silva and Erik Bedard showing signs of bouncing back, Seattle could join Oakland and maybe even Texas in have at least a shot to catch Mike Scioscia's AL West powerhouse. The difference between the four organizations would be less except for the edge the Angels get from Scioscia. No other manager in the division has ever taken a team to the post-season.

Carlos Silva has thrown 11 innings (0.82 ERA) in the WBC and Bedard has thrown 4 innings (0.00 ERA) in Spring Training.

So let's use Phil logic, because it's fun.  If such a small sample size is a predictor of things to come, then Ken Griffey, Jr. will hit .524 and OPS 1.631 for the Mariners this year, because that's what he's hitting in the WBC this year.

Phil is apparently writing to try to mitigate the disasters of past columns.  He drooled over the Silva signing last year and Carlos went out and promptly posted prodigious numbers like a 4-15 record with a 6.46 ERA and a 1.60 WHIP.

I expect similar Jeremy Affeldt and Frank Thomas columns before the spring is over.

Heck, I totally forgot how much Phil put stock in Spring Training numbers.  Wait, not just Spring Training numbers.  The first quarter of Spring Training numbers.  How about we just simplify it further.  Anyone who hits a homer in Spring Training automatically gets an Opening Day roster spot.  Screw all this thoughtful evaluation process stuff.