Phil Watch: Just The Juicy Bits

Mid-week Phil this week in the Trib's Hardball blog.

Why not?

Let's do it just for cataloguing purposes.

FT. MYERS, FLA. -- Is there a player in the majors who means more to his team than Joe Mauer?

Yes.  Yes There Is.

I'm not sure there is. 

We covered that.

The Minnesota Twins catcher is a .317 career hitter who bats third, the Donald Trump spot. 

Phil was on the MLB Network a few days ago puking back his Ralph Kramden joke w/r/t Joe Mauer.  Matt Vasgerian thought it was HI-larious!!!  

On that, Vasgerian asked Phil questions relating only to his last few columns, which were almost uniformly Twins-tastic.  Cuz Crede and Mauer are dreamy.

If Mauer is healthy, the Twins should be able to once again compete with anyone in the American League Central, including Detroit and the White Sox, who always outspend them. 

Whoa!  I thought it was the addition of Crede?  From February Phil:

...With Crede migrating from the defending champion Sox, the Twins become favorites to win their fifth division title in eight seasons under the brilliantly simple Ron Gardenhire.

Ron Gardenhire gets that. But after watching Mauer suffer through the pain and confusion of an injury almost never seen in baseball – lower-back pain caused by an inflammation of the sacroiliac joint; the dreaded Ralph Kramden injury – it's clear that the team's plight is a distant second on Gardenhire's radar.

See.  Well, Vasgerian laughed so why not pound the joke into the ground.

And shouldn't Gardenhire be worried about the team first?  It's not like Mauer's going to die.  Aren't they at least interrelated?

The timing is horrible for Mauer. He's due a total of $23 million in the last two seasons of a four-year deal but was poised to start talks on a monster extension – perhaps a deal worth upwards of $100 million – before being sidelined. 

My Golly!  Nobody's giving Mauer $100 million!  A catcher...with a history of various, weird injuries?  Please tell me what team pays that and I will tell you that is a stupid baseball team.

Onto other stuff...

Wringing out the last drops: There's not a lot left in the tank for Jorge Posada and Jason Varitek, not after having putting their bodies on the line these last 11 seasons in the Yankee-Red Sox rivalry.

Oh, God.  He didn't say that.

They hope that 25-year-old George Kottaras will hit enough to prove himself worthy.

Kottaras will get playing time as Varitek's backup, having passed the test of catching Tim Wakefield's knuckleball.

I call for a moratorium on stupid-ass articles breaking down the "importance" of the Red Sox finding a guy to catch Tim Freakin' Wakefield.  My brain can't take it anymore.

And then there's Phil Whispers.  He keeps an ear to the ground...

Korean manager Kim In-sik is one of my new heroes. He watched every game his team played in the WBC with amazingly calm body language, like he had prepared his team and was willing to let the players win or lose. 

Hero?  Wait a minute...is this more "WBC guys are like war heroes" crap?  Like Ted Roosevelt Lilly crap?

But at the same time he made daring tactical decisions that often worked. 

Yep.  He was like the Allied Forces' advance on Guadalcanal.  Stalwart, calm and cool.

News to very few: The Orioles have two young studs in center fielder Adam Jones and catcher Matt Wieters. … 

Then why write it.

It's almost time to make my picks and I still don't know which way to go in the AL Central. I'm pretty well set on the Yankees, Angels, Mets, Cubs and Dodgers, although I think both the Cardinals and Diamondbacks are dangerous sleepers. …

I'm on the edge of my seat.

The Phillies' Jayson Werth gets better every year. It's time he gets more than 418 at-bats, the career high he set last year. 

Cuz Phil says so.  His measured measuredness determines that Jayson Werth is now good.  Not that he is now actually good.

… Since starting the spring 1-16-3, the pitching thin Houston Astros have won six in a row. The turn-around came after Ivan Rodriguez arrived. … 

He played in three of those games.  But his presence, the mere presence of Ivan Rodriguez won those other three.  He's The Most Interesting Man In The World.  

Go sell stupid someplace else.  We're all booked up here. 

Don't look now but the Yankees' starting rotation looks ready for a big season. C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Andy Pettitte and Joba Chamberlain are a combined 7-3 with a 2.98 ERA this spring. … 

Hanley Ramirez is hitting .113 this spring.  My fantasy team is screwed!!!!

The Cubs knew Ricky Nolasco was going to be good; but, no, they didn't know Juan Pierre would be so bad … 

In one season with the Cubs, Juan Pierre put up the same numbers in every statistical category than he did the three years previous.  So...

WHAT?

They got what they thought they were going to get.  And that speaks to the stupidity making the trade in general, not anything to do with how 'bad' Pierre was.  What?  He was all of a sudden going to hit 40 home runs?

If Phil did a mid-week whispers, what leftovers are going to be offered for the Sunday paper?

Phil Watch: Twittered

Derrek Lee rips into the WBC selection committee, The US loses to Japan in an ugly game and both teams in town are firming up their lineups.

Phil this week?  Feel-good story about...Scott Eyre.  National.  Baseball.  Writer.  Indeed.

Phil Watch: Rat Farts!!!

I started and stopped a Phil Watch offering for Phil's Whispers this weekend.

In the span of one paragraph, he got 42 things wrong.  Well, more like five but still a spectacular word-to-wrongness ratio.

It seemed pointless and repetitive...but then he repeated the stupidity today.

So let's do a double Phil.

Here's Phil's Whispers from Saturday for the Sunday paper:

Imagine the howling if Ervin Santana had blown out his elbow pitching in the World Baseball Classic or if Fernando Perez, Tampa Bay's fourth outfielder, had dislocated his wrist in a WBC game.  But the biggest injuries last week were suffered in spring training games, not the WBC. …

Wrong fact #1:  Santana didn't blow out his elbow.  He has a small tear in his MCL and a decision on TJS was made ASAP and PDQ.  He'll start a throwing program next week, open the season on the DL and pitch through it.  

Wrong fact #2:  Fernando Perez is more like the Rays' 9th outfielder, behind the Gabes Gross and Kapler and Pat Burrell when he's not DHing.

Wrong fact #3:  Biggest injuries?  I see one.  Santana.  And if it happened in the WBC, I'd be pissed.  Click on this linky-type thing where Nate Silver at Baseball Prospectus examined April ERAs after the last WBC.  And then keep it in mind if Jake Peavy, a guy that got entirely spanked around against Puerto Rico, struggles out of the gate and loses trade value.  

You know, look at those actual stats that translate to facts and give perspective.  Those crazy, new-fangled facts guys.  They're ruining baseball for the rest of us.       

With Santana expected to be sidelined all season and Kelvim Escobar iffy after his 2008 shoulder surgery, the Angels probably will need two starters from a group including journeymen Dustin Moseley and Shane Loux (both out of options) and prospects Nick Adenhart and Anthony Ortega. 

Wrong fact #4:  Kelvim Escobar has a conservative projected return date of early June right now.  Not iffy.

Wrong fact #5:  It's Moseley and Adenhart.  Has been for like, ever, brah.  Or a trade.  

See.  A wonderous ratio.

And then, as if Phil has a low opinion of himself and thinks nobody actually reads his work, freakin' repeats it...two days later in the Hardball blog! 

The Angels found out Ervin Santana will need Tommy John surgery, sidelining him for the season less than a month after he agreed to a four-year, $30-million contract. This injury could be more significant than it seems now as the organization's depth has been hurt by a winter in which Francisco Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira and Jon Garland were lost to free agency with only Brian Fuentes arriving as a proven newcomer. 

Ladies and gentlemen...I'd like to announce...the RETURN OF PHIL-MATH!!!! 

(thunderous applause)

And on the first day of shirtless driving season?  What is this?  Christmas?

They lost three "proven" veterans and only added one...

Let's play Phil's game and pretend this makes any sense in this world.  Kinda like if we were talking with a 4 year-old about what a zebra and giraffe baby would look like.  Let's play.

THEY ADDED BOBBY FUCKING ABREU!!!!

Like a month ago!  What?  He's not a "proven veteran."

And Phil's raging hard-on for Garland's pitching badness continues!

Now, onto Santana.  He had two days to evaluate his Tommy John surgery wrongness and then repeats it, like it's a foregone conclusion.  It's not and, as of right now, he won't.  It's a slight tear that doesn't necessitate the surgery.  Tons of pitchers have pitched effectively with the same severity of said tear.  Cripes! 

With Carlos Silva and Erik Bedard showing signs of bouncing back, Seattle could join Oakland and maybe even Texas in have at least a shot to catch Mike Scioscia's AL West powerhouse. The difference between the four organizations would be less except for the edge the Angels get from Scioscia. No other manager in the division has ever taken a team to the post-season.

Carlos Silva has thrown 11 innings (0.82 ERA) in the WBC and Bedard has thrown 4 innings (0.00 ERA) in Spring Training.

So let's use Phil logic, because it's fun.  If such a small sample size is a predictor of things to come, then Ken Griffey, Jr. will hit .524 and OPS 1.631 for the Mariners this year, because that's what he's hitting in the WBC this year.

Phil is apparently writing to try to mitigate the disasters of past columns.  He drooled over the Silva signing last year and Carlos went out and promptly posted prodigious numbers like a 4-15 record with a 6.46 ERA and a 1.60 WHIP.

I expect similar Jeremy Affeldt and Frank Thomas columns before the spring is over.

Heck, I totally forgot how much Phil put stock in Spring Training numbers.  Wait, not just Spring Training numbers.  The first quarter of Spring Training numbers.  How about we just simplify it further.  Anyone who hits a homer in Spring Training automatically gets an Opening Day roster spot.  Screw all this thoughtful evaluation process stuff.

Phil Watch: Phil Needs "A Changing Of The Pants"

Update con un lado de ca-ca:  Yet.  Another.  

Update:  We have another one!  Curtis Granderson's enthusiasm is so infectious in the WBC that he should take over for Bud Selig when he retires.  Selig's got to be chaffing.  That's a lot of hummers.

 

Bud must be putting out more frequently as of late because Phil's certainly returning the favor.

Boy, the new digs are quite nice here at the new Phil Watch headquarters.

It even has Take Five candy bars in the vending machine.  Now that's fancy.  Big fan.  Big.  Fan!

It's too bad we couldn't roll out the new website, TV deal and merchandising to a little bigger fanfare.

Since our new launch two weeks ago, Phil has been all World Baseball Classic, all the time, just chockablock with quotes from American baseball players throwing around phases like "playoff atmosphere" and "it's real special."  Somehow, this constitutes multiple columns.

You can get it here, here, here and here.

I've said it once, I'll say it again.  Why would I pay for this crap?  I don't care if it's only $.75. 

But let's do one of them, just to bridge the gap between his WBC ramblings and whenever he gets back to telling us that Sam Fuld's Spring Training statistics are a harbinger of scrappy-type goodness to come. 

Whoa, Canada

TORONTO -- Needing two more victories to advance out of the first round, Canada rolled the dice against Italy on Monday night.

Starting Vince Perkins rather than Toronto Blue Jays right-hander Scott Richmond, manager Ernie Whitt was left starting at snake eyes. An experience that had been such a pleasure in 2006, when Canada knocked off the United States in the first round of the World Baseball Classic, had turned into a staggering disappointment.

"Staggering the likes of which we've never seen!"

Oh, on the meatball front, Canadian fans booed the image of Ryan Dempster in a montage that played on the Jumbotron before the game with the United States.  

Just want to put that out there.  Meatballs are multinational.  

Italy jumped on Perkins in the first inning, setting the tone for a 6-2 upset that eliminated the host team in Pool C of the WBC.

"Jumped on" is not the way to describe it.  I watched the game.  Yes, I've seen four WBC games, as the MLB Network plays them around the clock.  Late at night, it's been either that or BC Battles:  Hannibal on the History Channel.  I chose baseball.

And let me tell you.  Perkins blew.  The entire game was like watching the 1991 Camanche Indians play the back end of a doubleheader after two straight doubleheaders in the two days previous.  The pitchin's a little tttthhhhiiiinnnn!

16 walks, wild pitches, huge pitch counts, errors that weren't called errors.  

And the topper?  12,411 showed up in Toronto to watch a Canada team still completely alive in the pool.  They just had to beat Italy and then beat Venezuela to advance.

Canada has World Baseball Classic fever!!!  Catch it!!!

On a related note, I'm typing this as Boers & Bernstein are ripping Phil a new one.  Christo hearts synergy.   

Perkins, a former Joliet Jackhammer who has signed a minor-league contract with the Cubs... 

Dippy Chicago connection.  Phil's right on schedule.

muffed a Nick Punto tapper leading off the first. It was a sign of nerves that continued throughout the long night for Canada, which almost upset the United States in the WBC opener on Saturday.

Nerves?  Looked like plain old badness to me.  As Grandpa Sinkey used to say, "The guy couldn't hit a dead donkey ass if it was two feet in front of him."

Perkins will have trouble winning a roster spot at Triple-A Iowa if his work on Monday was an indication of things to come. He allowed three runs in two innings, largely because of four walks.

The Cubs were going to bring him up but those two innings in the WBC?  Cut his ass.  If he can't get up for a Canada-Italy rivalry, he has no place in baseball.

Jason Grilli, a former White Sox right-hander, worked the final 3 1/3 innings to pitch the inspired Italians into a Tuesday night rematch against Venezuela. The winner will advance alongside the United States to the WBC semifinal in Miami.

Phil, you can keep using words like 'inspired' but it won't make it any more true.  The game was ugly and seen by nobody.  

More people were at the Timberwolves-Wizards game last night.  More people thought watching bad basketball and paying four times the price to watch bad basketball was a better option in Minnesota than watching manufactured international baseball wonderfulness in Toronto.

Venezuela must like its chances. It beat Italy 7-0 in the first round on Saturday.

But unlike Saturday, it cannot go with its top pitchers. Felix Hernandez and Carlos Silva worked eight innings in that first-round game, and Armando Galarraga started against the U.S. on Sunday. That leaves either Ramon Ramirez or Enrique Gonzalez to start against the Italians.

Wait...I'm checking...yep...that's the 12,411th time Phil has told us about Venezuela's pitching quandry.  Coincidentally, that's the same amount of people that saw the latest edition of the historic Canada-Italy rivalry so, I guess not too many times, really.

Italy's victory was unexpected, as the Canadian lineup included the likes of Justin Morneau, Jason Bay, Joey Votto, Russell Martin and Matt Stairs. But Oakland Athletics outfielder Chris Denorfia went 4-for-4 to highlight a victory that included a series of excellent fielding plays -- including a diving catch by Denorfia in center -- to help pitchers who threw strikes.

Let me illustrate how agonizingly boring this game was with a number - 349.  That's how many pitches were thrown in the game.  349!!!  201 were strikes.  It was 3 1/2 hours of bad baseball.

Dan Serafini, who pitched for the Cubs in 1999 but most recently has been working in Mexico, started for Italy. He was followed by lefty Chris Cooper, one of the best pitchers in Italy's top league, and Grilli.

There.  Why do I care?  Essentially, most of the teams are populated with journeymen or guys well past their prime.  I can go to some Independent League game and get that.

And pool play is merely cute.  I don't want to hear Phil bitch about a five-game first round playoff series again when this is seen as a good way to set up an international competition. 

WBC injury update:  Chipper Jones has a strained right oblique and Alfredo Amezega tweaked his knee.

On another note, Mexico played South Africa yesterday in Mexico City.  

Attendance?  10,311.

Catch!  It!