Phil Watch: More Stupid Stupidness

Phil's back! With the Konerko to Angels rumor and a possible rebuttal to getting his ass handed to him for his last piece of violent diarrhea, it should be good.

I wonder what goodies will be offered today?

"While the White Sox paid an extremely high price for Nick Swisher, at least their short-sighted fans should be happy. His acquisition continues a winter in which Ken Williams has done more than almost any other general manager to improve his team when gauged simplistically."

Phil's mad but modestly capitulatory.

Liking the Swisher deal = myopia.

Ken Williams = active = myopia.

Me likes principles of logic.

"There are really two ways for rosters to improve: the ebb and flow of proven players and the development of young talent. The latter is the better way, but it is more art than business—an extremely subjective process to evaluate. The former, however, is easily studied."

Phil. It's not an either/or. And why exactly is the latter the better way? Recent history shows us that cobbling together retreads and castaways with potential upside in fact wins World Series championships. Blend in a few young'uns as ancillary support and poof!. You have a ring.

That's the real goal, right? Not some fantasy land where the only championships that count and are truly earned are the ones with only players that came through the system.

I wonder how Phil will justify this? (Please be stupid-ass, made-up, mathematical equations used by idiotic sportswriters devoid of original thought! Please! Please! Please!)

"For the purpose of identifying the most on-the-surface improvement around the major leagues, consider the core players—hitters projected to be regulars and pitchers who either start or work the last two innings of games—who have come and gone.

In this simple accounting, the Sox rate a plus-two, having added Swisher, Orlando Cabrera and Scott Linebrink while losing only Jon Garland. That puts them alongside Detroit (plus-three), Tampa Bay (plus-two), Toronto (plus-one) and Houston (plus-one) as the most improved teams in the majors."

WHOOPEE!!! I love, love, love it. As long as a player is 'proven' by Phil's standards, everybody is equal to everybody else. Using his system, it's funny he applauds the Tigers' aquisition of Miguel Cabrera, a team that completely gave up the farm for him. Funny...and not haha funny.

Does he address this?

"Detroit's plus-three comes from adding Miguel Cabrera, Edgar Renteria, Dontrelle Willis and Jones while losing only Sean Casey."

Holy Crap. This makes Mongo sad. Were sports editors part of the recent cutbacks at the Trib? In what world, this one or any theoretical one, is Sean Casey equal to Miguel Cabrera? Please tell me because a couple of my fantasy teams last year want to play in such a world.

"The 31st franchise

Here's a team you could put together from players who still don't have jobs.

Starting pitchers: Roger Clemens, Livan Hernandez, Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, Jason Jennings, Kyle Lohse and Josh Fogg.

Relief pitchers: Jeremy Affeldt and Bob Wickman.

Catcher: Mike Piazza and Johnny Estrada.

First base: Sean Casey and Mike Sweeney.

Second base: Marcus Giles.

Shortstop: Neifi Perez.

Third base: Pedro Feliz.

Outfield: Mike Cameron, Corey Patterson, Sammy Sosa, Kenny Lofton, Emil Brown, Reggie Sanders, Brad Wilkerson, Shawn Green and Barry Bonds."

And that team would bad, like 2003 Detroit Tigers bad. In fact, they lose 120 games because over half the team will be injured by the third pitch of the first game of the year. They would need a farm system with oodles of young talent to fill in the gaps.

You know, the kind of talent you started talking about in your NUT GRAPH and mysteriously chose NOT to follow up on! Apparently, Phil's thinks it's better because Phil's brain told Phil it was.

And at this point, he continues to make his dippy argument about baseball's worst division using his dippy math to formulate a dippy conclusion, of which the Cabrera/Casey is only one of a vast tapestry filled with 'all things being equal' idiocy.

Update: Sometime during this season, Paul Konerko becomes a 10-5 player, meaning he has ten years of MLB service time and five years with the same team. BFD? No. Trade. Clause.