Phil Watch: I'm Shocked...Shocked, I Say

I'm not going to say Phil didn't write this one.

Mainly because I think he did.

But my mind is awhirl with transient nodes of thought.

He used words and concepts previously foreign to his body of work. Most surprisingly, it appears Phil used a search engine.

Or the Trib has a new intern. I don't know.

In the end, putting all speculation aside, it's not a bad article. Not particularly great, but...you know...not bad.

An accident akin to a thousand monkeys at a thousand typewriters?

You make the call.

Let's get started.

Corey Patterson spent six seasons in Chicago, never fulfilling the expectations set for him when the Cubs took him with the third pick overall in the 1998 draft. His best play was for Dusty Baker in the first half of the 2003 season, when he had made himself into an All-Star candidate before tearing up a knee when he hit the first-base bag awkwardly.

It's well-documented that Phil wants Dusty's children. Within that context, the Reds' signing of Patterson made this article a bit of a fait accompli. And attributing Patterson's '03 success in any way, shape or form to Dusty Baker is a bit stupid given the fact he managed him for two more years to terrible results. Gotta take the good with the bad. No cherry-picking.

But it's only completely stupid if he continues his hard-on for Dusty.

Baker and Patterson reunited last week in Sarasota, Fla., with the Cincinnati Reds bringing the unsigned Patterson to camp to join a wide-open battle in center-field.

Again. A bit confusing that Phil would declare the centerfield position in Cincinnati wide-open given Phil's propensity to use wildly out-of-control superlatives for prospects (see Gio Gonzalez and Fautino de los Santos) and not take into account that Jay Bruce, the Minor League Player of the Year last year, is not in some way the heir-apparent in center for the Reds.

But whatever.

Those aren't horrible averages (.276 & .269), especially for someone who is a defensive asset, but Patterson's unwillingness to walk has left him with a career on-base percentage of only .298. He has almost five times more strikeouts than walks, including 142 whiffs and only 19 walks in 2002, his first full season in the big leagues.

What..The...Hell...Did...I...Just...Read?

Christo confused.

Let's get the bad news out of the way. Defensive asset? Meh. 'Asset' may be a bit strong. How about defensive-not-brutally-terrible-but-not-really-that-great-either type (DNBTBNRTGET).

But Phil mentioned OBP! And he used it at the beginning of an evaluation, not as an afterthought! What the...

And K/BB ratio? Two-for-two! Personally, I knew Patterson was pretty terrible at such things, but I didn't know 2002 was that bad. Holy crap, that's awful. I mean comically awful. I would think a player would have to try to be that bad. If so, good job.

And it took an extreme example of inherent badness like Patterson for Phil to find it relevant but it's a start. Or something.

But, you know, there are worse players out there. Heck, Edgardo Alfonzo is in the Rangers' camp. And while his K rate has been historically awful, it's improved lately, if ever so slightly. But still, in his 924 abs in Baltimore the last two years, Patterson walked...42 times.

Both Don Baylor and Baker were frustrated by Patterson's unwillingness with the Cubs to make adjustments in his swing-for-the-fences style. But Patterson appreciates the familiar face.

I have a question. Not really for Phil, just a general question regarding the brilliance that is Dusty Baker.

If Baker was indeed frustrated with Patterson's swing-for-the-fences style, then why in the hell did he bat him third for 37 games in 2003?

It gets better. Following a mule-like stubbornness on the part of Patterson to adjust his swing, Baker hit him first or second for 102 games in 2004.

It took months like these to finally drop Patterson in Baker's lineup in 2005.

Now we know that Baker doesn't believe in 'clogging up the bases', so I guess it fits.

In a related note, FireJoeMorgan.com is diligently following 'The New Dustiness' in Cincinnati.

Baker wants Dunn and Votto to swing more...because walks are what pussies take.

Same shit, different city. Should be good.