Phil Watch: Saturday Salmagundi

Christo has been MIA for a bit this week as he attempts to do something resembling productive with his life. More news on that later - if it ever comes to fruition.

It's a Week of Exits

These internets lost a couple of great writers this week.

Will Leitch, the editor and co-founder of Deadspin, announced he's taking a real-life job at New York Magazine as editor-at-large. Recently the target of the televised insane meanderings of one Buzz Bissinger, Leitch made Deadspin what it was - a satisfying diversion from and counterbalance to the über-serious world of sports. He'll be missed.

Adam Peltz, writer of the Chicago MenuPages blog, also announced he's done with the silliness of internet food writing and going back to school. Always a smart and funny look at the food world in the Chicago area, I've been reading the blog since its inception. The guy could write and put the Trib and Reader food blogs to shame.

And MLBTradeRumors is saying Billy Beane might be done as GM of the A's as early as the beginning of next season. As an Angels fan, I gotta say...Thank God! But to become a soccer GM? And speaking of insane meanderings, who's Hawk going to hate on in the fifth inning of a blowout now?

And Let's Do A Phil Watch

I knew he'd be back. And I have a strange feeling tomorrow will be teeming with more silliness.

I think I figured out why he's been so inoffensive lately. It's because he's been so damn boring. It's been something akin to Ed Mundane talking about Jimmy Blinkensop waiting for the last bell.

Well, he's inching back to form today. Nothing outrageous. Just Phil doing his best rendition of a less bombastic Mariotti - saying the same thing about the Sox for 45,000th time, as if repetition makes it more true.

Let's get started.

Kosuke Fukudome finally played a game at U.S. Cellular Field on Friday. Judging by some of the monstrous swings he took, it was a big day for him.

Cubs manager Lou Piniella talked about Fukudome's balance and "textbook" swing the first time he saw him take batting practice in Mesa. But against Jose Contreras and relievers Boone Logan and Nick Masset, Fukudome took some hacks that were so vicious they left him reeling around the dirt beside home plate.

Saw the game. He's been swinging like that all year. How has it changed?

The Sox eventually topped the Cubs' $48 million offer (reportedly going to $50 million), but by then general manager Jim Hendry had sold the Chunichi Dragons All-Star on becoming the Cubs' first Japanese import.

They're glad they did.

And on Friday, so were the White Sox.

Only on Friday? This is a non-issue. It was very early on in the negotiations. Fukudome said he didn't want to play for the Sox because he wanted to play right field and Dye was there. Quit making it sound like it was some eleventh hour decision.

If Fukudome had come to the South Side, life would have been so different for both of Chicago's first-place teams—and not just because so many among the 39,132 at U.S. Cellular Field would have been cheering Fukudome, not confusing him with a vacuum cleaner.

See what I mean. The crappy jokes are back. It's a slow return to form. And it gets better.

As Piniella said Friday, "There are a lot of ifs in baseball."

If the Sox had signed Fukudome, Nick Swisher wouldn't have been around to hit a grand slam and a double in Friday's 10-3 victory.

First, anybody else noticing that Pinella's quite the philosopher?

Second, Phil believes in Chaos Theory! If a butterfly flaps his wings in Peru, a tornado could happen in Iowa.

Who knows? If Fukudome was in the Sox lineup, the team may be 81-0 as well. Same dipshit logic here.

The girls with the "Dirty 30" signs would have had to find another object of their affection, as he would still be in Oakland or wherever Billy Beane traded him.

Why is he mentioning Billy Beane?

The White Sox wouldn't have needed to give up Ryan Sweeney and their two best pitching prospects (Gio Gonzalez and Fautino de los Santos) to get him. GM Ken Williams paid heavy freight when New Year's Day passed and he found himself running out of options. He was under fire from his fan base for failing to land off-season targets Torii Hunter, Miguel Cabrera and Fukudome, among others, but still determined to build a contender around the aging 3-4-5 combination of Jim Thome, Paul Konerko and Dye.

Oh, Holy Mother of Gibbon Crap! It's back! Phil's back! Here we go!

Now Ryan Sweeney's the crown jewel of the trade?!

Check the numbers, people. What exactly would have Sweeney offered the Sox this year or the next five years that they don't already have? He's basically a slap hitter who's had only 169 abs so far. The Sox got Nick Swisher! And cheaply!

Also, I didn't hear any Sox fans bemoan the failure of acquiring Cabrera, did you?

They're sixth in the league in OPS and fourth in homers. I think they're okay without Sweeney.

So Williams swallowed hard and rolled the dice on Swisher, a first baseman-outfielder who never had driven in more than 95 runs.

Specious, specious, specious!

Swisher spent the bulk of his time with the A's in the two-hole, not exactly the ideal spot to drive in a buttload of runs. Cripes! Look this shit up. Or watch baseball. Either one works.

While the 23-year-old Sweeney is hitting a soft .290 as Oakland's No. 2 hitter, the trade is doing exactly what Williams hoped it would. John Danks and Gavin Floyd have pitched so well that Gonzalez still would be in Triple-A (De los Santos underwent Tommy John surgery in May) and Swisher...

Soft is an understatement.

And let's really give some facts here.

Gio Gonzalez had a nice little season last year in an extremely pitcher-friendly league. Some people mentioned this. This year, he has a 5.51 ERA and a 1.51 WHIP in Triple-A in the notoriously hitter-friendly PCL. He's walked 42 guys in 81.2 innings. By every measure, he's been bad.

Santos' TJS adds oodles to the question marks everybody previously had about him. But he's young. Who knows? But we can take him out of the equation until 2010 now.

So the Sox got Swisher, a 27 year-old outfielder/first baseman who is signed through 2011 at an extraordinarily cheap price for a banjo hitter and a guy who two teams gave up on and who is stinking up Triple-A right now.

Looks like it was Beane who rolled the dice now.

Given that Swisher also is signed through 2011, at a savings of more than $5 million a year over Fukudome, Williams might be getting a bargain.

Might?

Is Phil trying to temper his previous blatherings on this issue?

Christo doesn't forget.

Orlando Cabrera never is going to be a bargain for the White Sox, not with Williams dealing Jon Garland to get him. But like the Swisher deal, Garland-for-Cabrera is providing an immediate dividend (it better, as Cabrera looks like a rental who will be gone after this season).

Where does Garland fit into this year's rotation, especially given his contract issues.

Again, I've seen every one of Garland's starts. What does Garland have in common with Ricky Nolasco, Jeff Suppan, Tim Redding and Nick Blackburn? They all have nearly the same statistics this year (and all have an ERA of 4.05). He's just a guy who doesn't get injured and gives you 200 mediocre innings.

Garland would have been a de-facto rental this year for the Sox as well. No way they would have given him the four years and $12-$13 million he'll be looking for.

Cabrera won't sign with the Sox next year and I still think he's a better #2 hitter but as of this writing and how Danks and Floyd have pitched, the Sox have gotten the better end of this deal. How can it possibly be argued otherwise? Let's go to alternate universes where Uribe is playing short for the Sox this year. How would that have gone?

With Cabrera and Swisher, the White Sox have baseball's least likely first-place team. They aren't the same punch-less bunch that scored two runs in their three games against the Cubs at the Cell a year ago.

Phil. Again. You can't take back the verbiage you wrote at the beginning of this year. And quit this 'immediate returns' bullshit. It's not like Kenny signed a bunch of 48 year-olds to make a run this year. Both trades benefitted the team immensely and they gave up little to do so.

Like their stubborn general manager, they keep fighting back.

Mariotti-lite potshot.

Where have you gone, Andy Gonzalez?

What?