Phil Watch: This A's Masturbation Is Getting Old

Happy Day Of Your Marriage Plus One to Mr. & Mrs. Mate Famber.

May your days be filled with joy and splendor. Congratulations.

Let's make a transition to one great thing in life to one stupid-ass Sunday sporty-type column.

And I think we can call it...Phil's a Sunday boy.

Today's offering tells us that the A's are a contender with the addition of Frank Thomas.

Long before the New York Yankees gave Jason Giambi a $120 million contract, he was the Oakland Athletics' most popular player. General manager Billy Beane let Giambi walk over his insistence to get a no-trade clause in his contract.

Right out of the gate! The A's payroll over the last ten years has never reached $80 million while hovering at or below the league average every year since Beane took over. They've shedded Mulder, Hudson, Zito, Tejada and Giambi to precisely keep the payroll in check, banking on a superlative farm syyyyyyyyyyyyyyssssssssssssssssssss.............

Sorry. I fell asleep typing something rehashed ad nauseam over the last ten years. Everyone knew Giambi was eventually going to walk and the "I want to stay in Oakland and will sign for less money" crap was the definition of lip service. The no-trade crap as a sticking point was a way for both sides to save face.

I can't remember what I had for lunch two days ago but even I remember the details of this.

Like Giambi, Thomas had been a popular player in Oakland. He signed a bargain-basement deal there in 2006 after the White Sox cut him loose, then joined the MVP discussion with 39 homers and 114 RBIs as he led the A's to an unlikely playoff spot.

Unlikely???!!! Seven of the nineteen writers polled at ESPN.com picked the A's to win the World Series that year!

Twelve of the nineteen writers, INCLUDING PHIL, picked them to win the division!

Cripes!

Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi coveted Thomas as part of a planned attempt to crash the elite tier of the American League East. Thomas delivered in 2007, hitting .277 with 26 homers and 95 RBIs. He was off to a bad start this year and had complained about being benched, going as far as accusing Ricciardi of trying to keep him from getting the 376 plate appearances he needed to kick in the $10 million option for '09.

It's tough to blame a team for saving $10 million by cutting a soon-to-be 40 year-old DH with a recent track record of injuries.

And something a little more pertinent and not really talked about w/r/t the release of Thomas is the fact that Scott Rolen's activation from the DL lined up almost directly with the move.

Now I'm not a huge fan of Rolen and his contract is nearly identical to Thomas' with one more year (including Thomas' vesting option). One bad contract is better than two. Why would the Jays want to keep so much potential dead weight with bad contracts?

But Rolen could easily match .277/26/95 and gives the Jays much more flexibility because he, unlike Thomas, owns a baseball glove.

In short, any team paying Frank Thomas $10 million in 2009 is not really a financially responsible baseball team.

Yet it was not wise for Ricciardi to kick him to the curb in favor of a platoon of Matt Stairs and Rod Barajas at designated hitter. Ricciardi said quick action was called for, as he didn't want his team falling too far behind Boston, but the Blue Jays dropped their first four games after releasing Thomas, scoring only 11 runs.

Well shit, they lost four in a row after releasing Thomas. Nothing proves it was a stupid move like evaluating a team's four game stretch.

Oakland had nothing to lose by picking up Thomas. The A's figured to have written off this season when they traded Dan Haren, Mark Kotsay and Nick Swisher to get the payroll down to $48 million, but they started 14-9. Pitching injuries threaten the anticipated dominance of the Angels and Mariners, creating a chance for a huge Oakland surprise.

25 games? Give 'em the pennant. It's over. The move was interesting in the sense that the A's already had Mike Sweeney at DH, a guy off to a nice start so far but is the definition of injury-prone. The Thomas acquisition moved Sweeney to first base and into a platoon with Daric Barton, a guy off to a bad start but considered a top shelf prospect.

I thought prospects were a good thing in Phil's world, especially w/r/t the A's system?

But Sweeney has to see time somewhere if the A's hope to have any chance to trade him. Seems like a bit of a clusterfuck to me.

BTW, Thomas is 1-10 since joining the A's. Using Phil's logic of four game stretches to determine value, I think the A's have to waive him.

Thomas could be a part of that surprise. He's not what he once was, but he still is going to win some games with his bat. The Blue Jays may wind up wishing he was doing that for them.

Or the Jays could take that $10 million saved by the release of a 40 year-old DH and the money saved by A.J. Burnett's expected walk and go get some real starting pitching to build around Halladay, McGowan and Marcum.

Might need some pitching in the AL East. Just a thought.

On to Phil's news and notes...

Eric Gagne appeared five times in six days and warmed up in the bullpen on the one night he wasn't used. He had converted only six of 10 save chances entering the weekend but nobody was complaining about his durability.

Durability should probably be second to inherent goodness at pitching.

Gagne so far hasn't been pitching good with inherent goodness.

Of course it's nice to see Gagne healthy (...it's early) but he's topping out at 94 and pitching like he still throws 100. Until he finds a way to get crafty, the Brewers will have issues getting saves on a constant basis from him.

Point taken, though. Eric Gagne's arm hasn't fallen off through April 27. Good for him.

Given the Reds' 3-10 slide that dropped them to the bottom of the National League Central, Jocketty's first assignment is probably to trade Adam Dunn (or even Ken Griffey Jr.)to open up a spot for 21-year-old Jay Bruce. He's hitting .338 with four homers and six stolen bases in 19 games in Triple-A and was Baseball America's Minor League Player of the Year last season.

Curt Schilling and Adam Dunn broke into Phil's house and urinated all over his new suede couch.

Both have been mentioned three times by Phil in the last month either in a snide manner (Schilling) or in a 'trade that bum' manner (Dunn). This paragraph is just a recycling of this column where Phil essentially defends the signing of Corey Patterson, the guy currently blocking Jay Bruce in CENTER FIELD (!), not left field where Dunn plays.

Again, Phil is advocating trading a guy with a .381 career OBP and has hit 40 or more hrs in the last four years to essentially allow Corey Patterson to stay in the lineup. That's dumb baseball thinking.

Let's move to Phil's whispers. With his ear to the ground, Phil hears more silliness.

You can't say Curt Schilling isn't an optimist. He bought a 26-acre estate in Medfield, Mass., for $4.5 million in 2003 from Drew Bledsoe and now is listing it at $8 million.

There's the third. What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Chien-Ming Wang is the best pitcher nobody talks about. He has won 50 of his first 85 starts for the Yankees, the best start to a career since Dwight Gooden.

My mom doesn't talk about Wang (heh, heh, heh). My mom doesn't know a lot about baseball.

If she represents everybody, then yes...nobody is talking about Wang (heh, heh, heh).

MVP watch as April winds to a close: AL— Manny Ramirez, Joe Crede, Nick Markakis, Josh Hamilton and Jonathan Papelbon; NL—Chase Utley, Derrek Lee, Chipper Jones, Justin Upton and Brandon Webb.

Mildly logical choices here (it's not that hard).

But we have the Andre Dawson theory put to the test with the selection of Josh Hamilton.

He's off to a hot start this year for the worst team in baseball, currently 8-17 (tied with the Nats for last). How can a player be considered the most valuable in a game where winning is the only barometer for success?

Papelbon's entry is too cute by half.

And Justin Upton? C'mon.

Early front-runners for the other BBWAA awards— Cy Young: Cliff Lee, AL, Webb, NL; Rookie: Greg Smith, AL, Geovany Soto, NL; and Manager: Bob Geren, AL, and Freddy Gonzalez, NL.

BBWAA? Phil's a member...and he'll probably just forget to vote. More A's stroking with Bob Geren and Freddy Gonzalez manages a team that just last week Phil said has been winning with smoke and mirrors in his power rankings.

Miguel Cabrera's move to first base may be the best thing for the Tigers but doesn't exactly reward him for losing weight and getting himself into shape. But at the time manager Jim Leyland announced plans for the switch, Cabrera had made five errors in 14 games and had the lowest zone rating in the majors at third.

Reward him? For getting himself into shape? Isn't that Cabrera's job?

And I'm positively atwitter with Phil's reference to zone rating. Holy Crap!

I wonder if he'll ever mention Ryan Theriot's abysmal zone rating?

The Angels and Braves could push to division leads when they start getting their injured pitchers back.

In Phil-world, the Angels are not in first place. It's funny because on this Earth, the Angels have been in first place since April 15. In fact, in the first 25 days of the season, the Angels have been in first for 21 of them.

Back to Phil-world because I like lands filled with sprites, fairies and unicorns. It's prettier than this realm. In Phil-world, the A's could be the surprise team of the year with the addition of Frank Thomas but the Angels could regain the upper hand in the division once Lackey is back (I won't tell Phil that Escobar is most likely out for the year and headed to the bullpen if he comes back in August).

Oh, and Seattle could win the division because of their pitching and Josh Hamilton is the only contender for the MVP race from AL West teams, a guy who plays on an absurdly bad team.

A bevy of coulds. I could win the lottery tomorrow. My dog could learn Spanish.

Phil could think about displaying some level of consistency. I wouldn't bet on it.