Rare Wednesday offering from the Philster. This is the time of year columnists all over this land of ours belch forth silliness assessing the state of sports in their respective cities. I'm sure Detroit's residents have been inundated with crap along these lines with the Pistons and the Red Wings in the playoffs at the same time (ESPN sure thinks it's cute).
Anytime multiple sports converge - in the spring and in the fall - it's a gold mine for the lazy to fulfill their minimum contractual obligation by spewing dippy 'State of the City' crap.
Phil follows the theme by comparing the state of Chicago's baseball teams by making up categories and doling out symbolic baseball bats to the team who is better in the category in Phil's mind.
In other words, more potential for stupid stupidness.
Today, Phil Watch will focus on how many times Phil recycles shit he's already said in the past.
Let's get started.
Historic season looms for Chicago baseball
I insert the heading and sub-heading because it's funny that Phil used a sub-heading, period.
He's never used it and we all know his struggles with nut graphs.
Not that this is any better. Linking baseball with Hollywood is soooo hackneyed.
If the Cubs hold off St. Louis for another few days, this could be the first time in 31 seasons the Cubs and White Sox have both been in first place at the end of May. This, however, might not be the greatest harbinger of good times. The "South Side Hit Men" Sox slid to a third-place finish, 12 games behind division winner Kansas City that 1977 season, while the Cubs finished 81-81 and in fourth place.
Holy Crap! What is the hell does what happened 31 fuckin' years ago have to do with 2008?!
This harbinger crap is one step short of meatball Cub fan 'billygoat curse' shit (I'm feeling a bit potty-mouthed today).
The Cubs are a better team than the White Sox, but it is the Sox, surprisingly, who could be better situated to advance as a division champ or wild card, based on their competition.Overall, give the Cubs a marginally better chance to survive until October than the White Sox.
Make up your freaking mind! These were back-to-back sentences. It's not like Phil got lost along the way and contradicted himself a la Carol Slezak. Back. To. Back.
That's based on the tangible (more organizational depth) and the intangible (general manager (sic)im Hendry seems better suited than counterpart Ken Williams to pull off a blockbuster trade at the July 31 deadline).
Those two are basically the same thing given we are 1/3 of the way into the season. Since teams can't play more than eight fielders and pitch more than one person at a time, Phil's argument presupposes an injury and sudden ineffectiveness from some player.
Since the most expected to happen would be one or two players w/r/t the organizational depth argument, the Sox can fill that gap for THIS year with what they have at Charlotte on par with what the Cubs have at Iowa.
Here's a look at the factors, with rankings based on a scale of one to five bats:
Goody. Phil-Math.
Nothing is more important in winning when it matters most, in August and September, than the ability to win low-scoring games. Hitters rarely take pressure off pitchers, but it often works the other way around.
Bullshit. Hitters routinely take pressure off pitchers by scoring a gazillion runs for them, hence the pitchers with wildly inaccurate win totals not representative of their actual ability. See Jon Garland for the Sox and Daisuke Matsusaka who, BTW, reportedly now has shoulder fatigue.
It probably can't be sustained for a full season. But there's no reason the Sox can't remain near this level, as manager Ozzie Guillen preserves starters as well as any manager and these starters are allowing him to avoid overworking his relievers, as he did in 2006 and 2007.
Got a question. Yes. The bald guy in the third row. Yes. How exactly did Guillen 'overwork' his relievers in 2007 when the starting pitchers sucked balls? Did Guillen has a choice?
A follow-up question please. Yes, go ahead. If preserving starters is important to baseball teams being good at baseball over the long haul, does that alter your perception of His Dustyness?
Sir? Sir? I think Phil fell asleep.
While Piniella bemoans the need for a left-handed run producer—a sign Kosuke Fukudome isn't living up to his potential—the Cubs are clubbing foes into submission.
I thought we loved his approach to the game?
In fairness, Fukudome hasn't been spectacular lately with a .271/.370/.353 line in May.
But I think in fairness, 'potential' is a rather dubious description for him. There was inevitably an adjustment period coming. Pitchers realized he wasn't swinging at just everything and started pounding him low-in and realized he does, in fact, guess a bit, leading to the change-up being quite effective against him.
Organizational depth: Cubs 4 bats, White Sox 3
The White Sox should be glad they didn't trade Joe Crede. Third baseman Josh Fields, who hit 23 homers a year ago, and outfielder Jerry Owens, are available at Triple-A Charlotte. Ditto sixth starter Lance Broadway (5-2, 2.85 in 10 starts) and off-season addition Brad Eldred, a career minor-league slugger who has 18 homers and 49 RBIs in 49 games. He's a first baseman by trade but is playing some outfield.
And there's your one or two players to fill the gap I spoke of.
But there's a reason Brad Eldred couldn't crack the lineup in Pittsburgh. He's struck out 62 times in 186 abs in Charlotte while walking...10 times. He's all or nothing. He's an ersatz Rob Deer.
And Fields and Owens aren't exactly lighting up the International League. But they do have a track record in the Majors and can fill holes.
Kerry Wood will have to prove he can hold up in the closer's role, as he never has made more than 25 relief appearances in a season.
Um...what? Wood's pitched out of the bullpen for exactly one season, last year, with a clearly defined bullpen role! 2005 doesn't count as he moved back and forth between the pen and the rotation because of his arm issues and a well-stocked rotation. I'm not even a Cub fan and I remember the circumstances surrounding Wood's 2005 season. Criminy.
Hendry hasn't tapped into his supply of prospects seriously since the disastrous three-for-one deal for Juan Pierre before 2005.
By golly, I nearly forgot Pierre was a Cub. That seems like eons ago.
The White Sox opened the season over budget, raising a question about their spending.
Let's go back in time. On February 18, Phil wrote a column bemoaning the Sox payroll as bloated, saying it will be in the range of $115-120 million this season. The Sox receive $8.5 million in cash considerations not factored into the current $121 million payroll, leaving the actual payroll at about $112 million.
They of course had to sign the key players from the '05 championship season because it was the right thing to do and those players are still on the books because, you know, it was only three years ago. Since then, Kenny and Jerry have been quite sensible about long-term payroll projections while still staying relatively young and should be a major player in the free-agent market next year.
Major shit comes off the books next year. Look past the superficial, Phil.
The list of players possibly moving at the deadline includes Oakland's Joe Blanton and Rich Harden, Baltimore's Brian Roberts and Cincinnati's Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr.
More recycled Dunn shit. And I think the A's are going to have issues. Yes. But that probably won't come until late July when a brutal road stretch takes effect. I don't see Oakland dumping two young and good pitchers given the AL's curious drop in power across the board this year and the effect good pitching could have on future prospects for goodness.
One or two bats could do it for them and that can be had on the free agent market next year. Too young to do any serious damage this year but primed to be a contender in that shitty division for years to come IF THEY KEEP THEIR PITCHING!
When spring training began, many predicted the free-spending, free-swinging Detroit Tigers might challenge 1,000 runs. They're on track to score 781 and that's not the worst news; their pitching staff is 13th in the AL in ERA, including a 5.17 mark from the starters. Because this is a carryover from 2007, it could have been anticipated.
You, you, you, you, you. You didn't!
Headline: Don't expect fully-loaded Detroit to be paper tigers. Phil, March 4, 2008.
'Many' includes Phil. Read your own words.
That's a problem that can be cleared up, but last week's sweep by the White Sox could have lasting implications for embattled manager Eric Wedge and the Indians, who might have to consider trading free agent-in-waiting C.C. Sabathia.
Phil. If you're going to repeat yourself over and over again, at least use different words/logic. Make it at least look like you're making an effort.
Power Rankings last Monday: 7. White Sox (10): Sweep of Cleveland last week could have lasting implications for both teams.
And Sunday: The Indians' visit to Chicago last week seemed like a dangerous stretch for the first-place White Sox. But by sweeping Cleveland, they not only maintained their lead in the American League Central but dealt the Indians a blow that could be remembered in September if they have joined Detroit in having a disappointing season.
It's lazy. Just lazy. When playing out the string in life, it's important to at least look like you're trying.
Otherwise, it's just sad.
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