I have to give Phil credit. This week's power rankings are only the second-dumbest power rankings on these internets this week. ESPN take the honor for the dumbest of the dumb for saying the A's are the best team in baseball on Friday.Let's get started:
2. Diamondbacks (1): Since the 9-2 start, Arizona is under .500 when Brandon Webb is not starting. Nothing seems to bother Webb, but ongoing contract negotiations have a chance to unsettle him.
Okay. Here's the thing. Say I play golf against Tiger Woods and lose. And then say my four year-old nephew plays against a rotting corpse and wins. Does that mean my four year-old nephew is better than me at golf (for the record, I'm not that good at golf)? Of course it doesn't.
Entering the weekend (hey, I used a Philism), The D'backs played 21 games at home and 14 on the road and from April 4- 27, they exclusively played the NL West, a division that stinks like the rotting corpse that my four year-old nephew hypothetically beat. With that, they compiled a 23-12 record, good for the best record in baseball entering the weekend.
Nothing wrong with Phil putting them here...yet. But would somebody start talking about this?
And look at these individual offensive performances over the last 15 days.
Their pitching is good. Once Max Scherzer learns how to pitch as opposed to trying to overwhelm everyone, it's a more than solid staff.
But this offense swings and, you know, misses a lot. Let's see how that plays after they beat up on the NL West and reach the playoffs. A lot to like but some concerns here. Far from the type of team that Phil declared 'it's over' w/r/t the division race and should win the division by Memorial Day.
3. Cubs (3): Ted Lilly and Ryan Dempster came up big in the playoff rematch against Arizona. But Lou Piniella’s constant tinkering with his rotation has not been a good thing. It’s too long of a season to keep sending Carlos Zambrano out every five days, regardless. The Cubs would be better off picking five starters and going with them in order, even if it means not stroking Big Z’s ego.
Gosh darn it! It wasn't a gosh darn playoff rematch! Be more of a meatball Cub fan!
A playoff rematch would take place in the appropriately-named playoffs!
Knock. This. Shit. Off!
4. Cardinals (4): Jason Isringhausen’s disintegration has slowed the momentum that Tony La Russa’s team was building. It’s rare to see a veteran lose his confidence like Isringhausen has, but La Russa and Dave Duncan are reasonable bets to help him salvage the season, which could be his last in St. Louis.
Wait a minute. According to Phil, Isringhausan was off to a solid start, anchoring the bullpen, as late as May 1. Now he's a bum in Phil's world? He was chockablock with terrible terribleness well before that so, kinda late to the party, don't ya think?
5. Athletics (5): The secondary numbers still impress, but Oakland has won only one of its last four series, a dangerous trend. The A’s need a lift when Rich Harden returns.
Much more on this later. It involves the amount of innings the entire pitching staff has logged in their entire major and minor careers and how that factors into the equation in late July. As an Angels fan, no worries...in the least.
6. Mets (6): Willie Randolph’s team has gone 6-2 in Johan Santana’s starts, but the former Twin is not dominating the way many figured he would. He has allowed at least one hit per inning in three of his last four starts, including 10 hits in six innings vs. Cincinnati on Saturday. Historically he has been better in the second half than the first.
This is absolutely true. Good point Phil. Fantasy nerds know this. But the patchwork offense may be a more salient point.
7. Braves (8): Atlanta picked up its first one-run win on Thursday, finishing off a sweep against San Diego with a 5-4 win. But naturally the Braves lost a one-run game the next night at Pittsburgh, falling to 1-10 in one-run games.
More 'record in one-run games' bullshit. Please tell me why I think this Braves team finishes better than six games over .500 like last year? I want to know. Chipper Jones is not going to hit .410. I want definitive answers. This is a mediocre bullpen, a slightly above-average starting staff and an offense fair to middling when it all shakes out. They're this year's Blue Jays. A team that everyone irrational jumps on as a surprise pick to watch. In other words, they're the Mariners of this year plus one month of actual games.
8. Angels (7): Few teams would have played as well without their ace, and John Lackey is due back on the mound Wednesday. This is a deep, deep pitching staff.
If Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana pitched to their career averages this year, the Angels are the biggest disappointment in baseball right now. Two pitchers DO NOT make a 'deep, deep pitching staff'.
9. Marlins (18): The numbers had shown these guys were winning with mirrors, but they kept winning, including an impressive sweep of Milwaukee last week. The starting rotation has picked up the pace, with recent wins by Andrew Miller and Ricky Nolasco providing help behind Scott Olsen and Mark Hendrickson.
Impressive sweep? Phil ranks Milwaukee as the 21st best team in baseball. That's bad. What makes it impressive...and it was in Florida?
11. White Sox (11): After regaining steam against Minnesota and Seattle, they will be tested by the Angels. They swung the bats better last week but will need to be sharp in a four-game series against Rick Adenhart, Jered Weaver, John Lackey and Jon Garland.
It's Nick, not Rick, Phil and he's not that great. It wouldn't be a big deal but Nick Adenhart has been the best pitching prospect in the Angels' system for a few years now and Phil writes for Baseball America. Kinda pertinent. And don't fuck with Jered Weaver. Pitchers 2-5 with 5.59 ERAs and 1.48 WHIPs are ninjas (well, for the Sox they might be).
14. Dodgers (9): Back-to-back losses by Brad Penny and Derek Lowe ended a run in which Los Angeles had gone 10-1 and begun to put some heat on Arizona.
Wait a freakin' moment! I thought it was over. What is this heat you speak of?
17. Twins (14): Minnesota’s standing atop the AL Central has been amazing given that its hitters haven’t produced a single multihomer game.
Interesting stat. I didn't know that. I'm sure it was in the game recap on MLB.com.
18. Blue Jays (13): With Vernon Wells on the disabled list, Toronto could use Reed Johnson, whom GM J.P. Ricciardi released. Ditto Frank Thomas, who was also released by Ricciardi. He looks a little desperate picking up Kevin Mench from Texas’ Triple-A team and plugging him right into the lineup.
Here we go. Which do they miss? Reed Johnson's .128 average in the last 14 days or Frank Thomas' 10 RBI, half of which come when the game was decided. How do I know? I WATCHED THE GAMES!
19. Tigers (17): Could Jacque Jones wind up in Minnesota or Toronto after being canned by Detroit? This might have been an impulsive move by management as there’s no way Gary Sheffield can last long playing left field at Comerica Park.
WTF!!!??? Phil has some weird relationship with Jacque Jones. I won't get into details.
Jones was designated last Monday and nobody - not even the Padres - has made a move, even with the Tigers paying his salary. He can be signed for a prorated league minimum and still no takers. Put this on the Phil list of 'impulsive GM moves' along with Frank Thomas, Reed Johnson, Jeremy Affeldt and Scott Rolen. Ask yourself. Would you sign them given the obligations?
21. Brewers (20): Yovani Gallardo’s season-ending knee injury looks like a crippler for an already thin pitching staff. Outside of Corey Hart, the much ballyhooed lineup hasn’t produced as expected either.
Corey Hart? Sure, he's hitting .299 but he's down in every category compared to last year. I know. He's on three of my fantasy teams.
He's on pace to hit .299 with 4 homers and 64 RBI with 16 SBs. In other words, about what Jacque Jones offered the Cubs last year in terms of production.
22. Rockies (25): Ubaldo Jimenez is winless in his last six starts. Talk of reacquiring Josh Fogg from Cincinnati didn’t pan out.
Ancillary Dusty Baker Reds team mention.
OOOOOHHHH!!!! We're comin' back to this bullshit two months from now. How dare Kenny take a pass on...Tim Redding? Tim Redding of the prodigious 28-43 career record and 4.83 ERA and 1.50 WHIP. How dare he?
26. Pirates (29): Where would they be if closer Matt Capps wasn’t quietly having a good season?
Probably in the same position they are now with Nady and McLouth hitting out of their gourd.
28. Reds (30): Isn’t there an American League team interested in Adam Dunn?
I give Phil props. He's bound and determined to make sure this crap happens.
30. Padres (23): It was nice to see Greg Maddux get his 350th win out of the way before he shows up at Wrigley Field. He’s been pitching solidly, which makes you wonder if he’ll finish the season with San Diego. One team he could help is Milwaukee, where his brother, Mike, is the pitching coach.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! The world doesn't revolve around everything that happens on Clark and Addison. Shit like this is called pandering by rational human beings. Or the type of crap old people say...like Ron Santo. Oh, shit! We have a connection. Phil's Santo minus ten years.
I get it now.
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