After being completely exasperated from yesterday's All-Star ballot argument from Phil, I thought I would have a brief sabbatical from Phil at least until the inevitable Jacque Jones column comes Wednesday (I CANNOT WAIT for that...I'm already letting out a little pee).And then I remembered the Monday Power Rankings. Crap.
Let's get started:
3. Red Sox (1): You can’t lose five out of six to the Twins and Orioles without exposing some vulnerability. Clay Buchholz’s trip to the disabled list is alarming, as some scouts have wondered about him since spring training
We'll start small. Trip to the DL with (drumroll) a broken fingernail on his throwing hand. let me repeat. Broken. Fingernail. Placing him on the disabled list has absolutely nothing to do with some implied arm trouble. No reports on Buchholz talk about structural issues, only badness issues.
4. Rays (10): These guys were beaming after taking three of four, especially enjoying Hank Steinbrenner’s comment that the Yankees need to start “playing like the Rays.’’ Tampa Bay is 11-2 against AL East opponents at Tropicana Field, and also swept a home series against the Angels. That’s impressive.
Hey boys, did you hear what Mr. Steinbrenner said about us? Now we're legit.
On this front, good to see the George apple didn't fall far from the tree. Hank's a bit of a loon.
5. Mets (6): Willie Randolph received a vote of confidence from Omar Minaya on Friday, which is never a good sign for a guy’s job security. A Tuesday doubleheader in Atlanta is crucial for a team that hasn’t regained the strut it lost during the 2007 collapse.
It's also crucial for Willie to keep his bowels regular. It's crucial for Jose Reyes to keep the game 'fun'. This is crucial, that is crucial, everything's crucial.
It's mid-May. Even if Minaya did the incredibly stupid move of firing Randolph this early, the doubleheader against Atlanta means as much as two games in April or two games in July. That's how baseball standings work. The loss does not weigh more in the standings because it was more potentially demoralizing.
6. Athletics (5): Even with Frank Thomas aboard, they can have trouble scoring runs, as three recent shutouts against Cleveland and Texas indicate. But the pitching staff remains a pleasant surprise.
1-5 last week and they drop one spot. Nobody's hitting, a sign that this team, who played an absolutely cushy schedule early on, may be regressing back to their career averages.
Frank Thomas, by the way, has four extra-base hits for Oakland since joining the team with no home runs. It was a good pick-up, but by no means is he some savior at his age and by no means was his release by the Blue Jays some boneheaded move. I will contend this to my grave Phil-style.
7. Braves (7): A 2-12 record in one-run games has hidden the overall impressive play of baseball’s most upwardly mobile team. If Tom Glavine and John Smoltz can hold together, Atlanta easily could recover from a mediocre start to win another division title.
4-6 is the last ten is upwardly mobile?
If Smoltz can hold together? He's already injured, his return now pushed back from the end of May to 'a lot longer' and isn't going back to the rotation when he does return. The latter was news two weeks ago.
And I love one-run game records being used by the lazy to buttress an argument. At one turn, it's a sign of bad luck and it will improve. At another turn, it's a sign that a team doesn't have the guts to close the deal. It's application is just so random.
10. White Sox (11): Jose Contreras’ forkball is again a serious weapon. His performance likely will determine whether Ozzie Guillen’s team has enough pitching to hang with Cleveland all season.
First, let me say that Contreras' forkball last week against the Angels was just ridiculous. Some of the Angels looked like a flailing, drunken boob swatting at imaginary flies.
But $20 says that Phil proclaims Buehrle's the key next week.
Like in life, no one thing is a key to ultimate success. It's an amalgam of things.
11. Angels (8): Orlando Cabrera says Mike Scioscia "is on another level" from the game’s other managers, and he’s not the only one who thinks like that. In many ways the Angels have sputtered this season, but Scioscia has still had them consistently in front, thanks to the pitching of Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana.
It expected more from Phil. Well, that's debatable. With the Sox playing the Angels four times last week, it figured the only visual exposure Phil has of the team would bring forth a little more.
First. Sputtered? They're in first place while not playing their top two pitchers. Only a dope thought this was going to be an offense with prodigious output.
Second. Garret Anderson is hitting .451 over the last 15 days, better than Chipper Jones and just behind Soriano and Berkman in terms of run production. Just a thought. Might be worth mentioning instead of Santana, a guy who was absolutely shelled in his last two starts.
13. Astros (15): When Lance Berkman homers, Houston is 11-2.
When I take a crap and the Hawks are down at halftime, they are 8-3. Call your bookie and lock it in.
14. Blue Jays (18): This might be the team that could benefit the most from taking a flier on Barry Bonds. Second place in the AL East, and a shot at a wild-card spot, is very achievable given the Yankees’ down year, but it’s not going to happen without some help.
Not one mention of the pitching. But seeing Bonds hit in Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park would be 'a lot of fun'.
15. Phillies (12): Jimmy Rollins’ return hasn’t provided the big spark they hoped for.
Hasn't....has...ha..h...hasn't...hasnthasnthasnt...!?!???!?!??!!!??!?!
Since he returned for the DL, Rollins is hitting .375 with 7 doubles, a homer, 7 RBI and 4 steals in 40 abs.
Let's project those numbers out to a full season to make them look gaudy:
600 abs - .375/.419/.625 105 doubles, 15 hrs, 105 RBI and 60 steals.
Hasn't....has...ha..h...hasn't...hasnthasnthasnt...!?!???!?!??!!!??!?!
The Phillies average averageness has NOTHING to do with Rollins!!!!?
16. Dodgers (14): Japanese import Hiroki Kuroda is 0-3 in his last eight starts despite a respectable 4.02 ERA.
Talk about randomly (and wrongly) picking a player to summarize a team's performance.
And an aside here. Wins mean practically nothing for a pitcher, mainly because so many other players on the team factor into the equation. For evidence, see Jon Garland.
20. Yankees (16): Can anyone remember the last time these guys weren’t scoring runs? The early-season failings at the back end of the rotation have spilled over to the lineup, which has had to tread water without Alex Rodriguez and Jorge Posada after getting Derek Jeter off the disabled list. The pinstriped uniforms and consistent excellence of Chien-Ming Wang and Mariano Rivera are the only reasons to project New York as a possible contender.
Take the real Baseball Jesus (Berkman's a false prophet) out of any lineup and production will inevitably go down.
Replace two of your best hitters with Morgan Ensberg/Alberto Gonzalez (who?) and Jose Molina and you have a recipe for crappiness.
Kind of answered your own queries (I said queer, huhuhuh) w/r/t the lineup.
That's all ya got? I thought this was the 'surprise' team in the AL Central, a team that was going to surprise with their surprising surpriseness.
22. Tigers (19): There aren’t many teams that can win when their ace is 1-7, as is Justin Verlander.
Okay. The Tigers have the second-worst record in baseball, behind only the Padres, yet eight teams are worse than the Tigers? Including the Royals?
Again. I don't get it. Sometimes Phil uses recent performance as a gauge. Sometimes a gut instinct. Sometimes a dart board.
Why are these power rankings that every freakin' sports website does relevant again?
23. Pirates (26): Raise your hand if you saw Nate McLouth coming … didn’t think so. He’s already registered 28 extra-base hits, matching Dan Uggla for the second most in the majors, behind Lance Berkman.
I raise my hand. And so do a buttload of fantasy baseball drafters. McLouth's average draft position this year was ahead of J. Upton, Votto, Pettitte, Frank Thomas, Blanton, Randy Johnson, Micah Owings (and Mickey Morandini, Joe Carter, Buddy Biancalana), the list goes on.
If this collection of 14 year-olds and mouth-breathers saw something, I'm thinking a few people with a reasoned baseball mind might have as well.
25. Reds (28): Six-game winning streak was well timed to help Dusty Baker feed the fading belief in a disappointing team.
Dusty had Adam Dunn attempt a bunt in the ninth inning two days ago. When is Dusty going to be part of the problem in Phil's mind? That's all I have to say on that.
27. Mariners (25): Richie Sexson = Dave Kingman. Discuss.
30. Padres (30): Jake Peavy’s slow elbow and Mark Prior’s continuing shoulder problems are the last thing that San Diego baseball fans need. The Padres haven’t had a starting pitcher work eight innings in a game since Peavy did it in the 22-inning loss to Colorado on April 17. That game started the downward spiral that has dropped San Diego to the bottom of the barrel.
Prior? Prior!!!?
I gots nottin' else. Christo out.
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