Phil Watch: Was He In The Press Box Tuesday???

So much for the Sunday Phil theory.

Not a bad little column from Phil today. In fact, it's almost a readable column.

He goes for a sort of in-game, blow-by-blow account and how that relates to the overall NL Central race thing. In other words, the structure used by good sportswriters as filler when it's a slow news day is applied.

The minor problem is that Phil doesn't exactly evoke W.C. Heinz, like Buzz Bissinger demands every knucklehead under 32 know.

But it's an effort...and no direct or indirect Dusty references. So there's that.

Let's get started:

Some seasons start a little late, or at least should start a little late.

In 1988, the Baltimore Orioles stumbled out of the gate a historic 1-23, then came home to celebrate the one victory they did have, a victory at Comiskey Park after 21 straight losses. The Orioles packed the old Memorial Stadium with 50,402 enthusiastic fans for an event officially called "Fantastic Fan Night," which would come to be known as their second Opening Day.

I have a feeling Phil was going to write about something else but the quotes never materialized.

What could this possibly have to do with the Cubs and/or Brewers in an analogy-anecdotey-lead sort of way. Seems strange.

Ah Ha! Maybe it's to remind us that the Sox were the first to lose to that pathetic Orioles team. Maybe it's a backhanded jab. You sneaky devil.

Incidentally, Jack McDowell lost that game, Thiggy gave up a dinger to Cal Ripken on his second pitch of the ninth, Kenny Williams played third, Ivan Calderon wasn't dead and they lost 9-0 in front of 14,000 mostly drunk and surly Ron Hassey haters. Too bad he wasn't there.

Memories....

The Milwaukee Brewers were hardly in such a situation Tuesday night at Wrigley Field. But they nonetheless were looking forward to getting a lift from ace Ben Sheets, who was testing his tender arm in a game for the first time since April 18, and center fielder Mike Cameron, who was wearing a Milwaukee uniform for the first time after a 25-game suspension.

So what did it have to do with the Cubs-Brewers game? Christo confused.

It's kind of like saying the day my car broke down on I-80 and I had to walk two miles to a rest stop (pre-cell phone) was kind of like The Long March.

The scope, degree and proportion seems a bit off.

Where's Buzz to hit Phil with an umbrella and crap in his coffee.

The Brewers' ability to hang with the Cubs in the National League Central race could depend on what they get from those two, especially the one who pitches.

There's the nut graph. Entirely logically and a salient point relating to the NL Central. The Brewers team is good at hitting baseballs but they won't be able to outscore everybody.

And writing the column, presumably in the press box as it happened, makes for a decent read.

Not much more, but, you know, decent.

You can argue that the Brewers will go only as far as Sheets carries them — an argument that ought to scare Milwaukee fans. They have had one winning year in his seven previous seasons, never going to the playoffs.

Phil uses this phrase more than anyone I read. You can argue. Instead of saying such things, how about just arguing it?

Columnist = Viewpoint = Slant backed by facts and years of experience covering the beat.

And a minor point but a point nonetheless. Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun and Yovani Gallardo don't really have anything to do with Richie Sexson, Jeromy Burnitz and Jamey Wright.

Just a thought, but you can argue it.

But with the on (the mound)-and-off Sheets up and rolling a season ago, the Brewers were something to behold. They were 47-33 and leading the Central by 71/2 games after Sheets' victory over the Cubs on June 30. That would be the last victory for any of Ned Yost's top three starters until Aug. 29, with the lead going by the wayside while Sheets was recovering from an injury to a finger.

I did not know that. Good fact from Phil and backs up the thesis.

"Ben Sheets might be as important to his team as any pitcher in the majors," said Comcast Sports Net's Dan Plesac, a former Brewer. "When he's on his game, it seems like the [other starters] fall in behind him."

And former Cub (I feel small for writing that - Hassey Has AIDS!!!!).

Sheets, who averaged 10 strikeouts per nine innings in 2004 and is at 7.7 per nine innings for his career, fanned only Jason Marquis and Felix Pie while walking seven...What happened to the guy who blew away the Cubs on Opening Day?

Well, twice in the column you told us. "Tender arm", "Tight triceps" and in his first outing in 11 days.

That's what happened.

The Brewers' 2008 season is officially under way. If it is going to be a special one, Sheets is going to have to be a lot better in the summer heat than he was with his teeth chattering on a spring night.

Or until his tight tricep builds up more strength and Sheets avoids a history of arm issues in the last four years. He hasn't made more than 24 starts since 2004. Seems something like that might buttress Phil's argument more but I'm probably cherry-picking.

Gotta say, though. Big strides here. The skeleton of a marginally readable column is there.

And Phil's off Sundays. Good for him.

Now go out and take more potshots at Curt Schilling and Adam Dunn.

On a side note, FireJoeMorgan.com proposed a theory that an intern at ESPN was posing as Joe Morgan on his weekly online JoeChat, doing everything to spew Joe-like platitudes so Joe could take some time off.

We here at BRG might create a new feature. Something along the lines of Write Like Phil.

Stay tuned.